What should I put on my wedding registry?

It’s time to register for your wedding gifts. Problem is, when it comes to actually choosing what you want/need, you can’t help but ask, “what the heck do I even put on a wedding registry?”

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You’ve perused the standard go-to stores that host wedding registries: Bed Bath and Beyond, Macy’s, Crate and Barrel, Bloomingdales, and countless others. Of course, each store has their suggested list of gifts you should register for:

1. Kate Space China  

but… your closest attempt at hosting a dinner party was the 4th of July BBQ on extra strength disposable plates. No thanks.

2. Personalized bath towels

but…  you like the feel of the cheap towels you steal borrow from the gym much better than the fluffy designer ones. Plus, there’s something about the upscale embroidery that makes the towel seem unworthy of a full makeup removal session. (We’ve all rubbed our delicate eyelids apart because #WaterproofMascara)

3. Wine glasses with laser engraved monogram

nah… you prefer the non-breakable kind of glassware that can withstand the dishwasher’s top shelf. Ain’t nobody got time for hand washing, and nothing makes your heart beat faster than “cheers”-ing with guests and having that completely unrealistic fear that the glass will shatter if you cheers just a litttttle too hard. And frankly, you find monograms confusing. (Who reads left to right to center anyway?)

4. A 24-piece knife block.

except… for as long as you can remember, you’ve used the exact same knife to slice apples, chop carrots, filet meat, and cut your PB&J in half. Also, there’s a high probability that you’ll drunkenly attempt to use the largest of the 24 knives for your own game of Fruit Ninja and you don’t see that ending up well.

5. CrockPot

wait… HAVEN’T YOU SEEN THAT EPISODE OF THIS IS US?! HOW COULD WE BETRAY JACK LIKE THAT? (No, but seriously crock post are amazing, so this also goes in the “you absolutely need that on your registry” list)

Toaster Oven

well… you have a toaster already. And an oven.

7. Anthropologie Cake Stand

c’mob… let’s be real. When you make a cake 1) it’s already been eaten by the forkful straight out of the oven or 2) it’s forgotten about in the back of your fridge… RIP

8. Pottery Barn Egyptian Cotton Bed Sheets

Hell no. Because inevitably, your dog is going to give you “that” look when you’re all cozy and snuggly in bed and you’ll tell him “no, these are expensive sheets” and he’ll droop his head and walk away all sad, and circle around his flat, non-Tempurpedic, sorry excuse for a dog bed bed, for what seems like hours, and he just. can’t. get. comfortable. So he settles for the cold patch of tile next to the bathroom door and you hear him let out a sigh when his dog tags jingle as they fall to the floor with his heavy, oh-so-tired head. And then just when you’ve gotten comfortable in your $600 sheets, you hear him having a puppy dream, and those whimpers get louder and you realize he’s having a nightmare that you LEFT HIM ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD and at this very moment, you shoot up from your slumber and desperately invite him onto your bed.

[line]Thanks anyway, Wedding Registry Concierge, but I don’t need any of your suggested items. We reside in a generation where many couples live together before they are married, and therefore already have many of the essential items needed to start a home. Maybe you recently finished grad school and you’ve got other things you’d like paid for besides new flatware. So instead of telling you to scan a 12 piece set of silver fine china or aloe-infused Egyptian cotton bed sheets at your local home goods store, I’m giving you the no-nonsense Wedding Registry 101 chat. (Because I’m all about keeping it real.) Here it is, your list of: The Best Wedding Gifts to Register For. Scratch that. More like:

The Wedding Gifts You Secretly Wish You Could Register For:

• Halloween decorations (I’m talking that realistic crawling torso or inflatable grim reaper… ’cause you take your scares seriously)
• school loan payments (no explanation needed)
• dog toys. Correction, *Dog
• workout equipment (you’ve always wanted that 5-speed treadmill and kettle bell set)
• workout clothes (can you say Lulu Lemon?)
• a gift card to Target (yeah, yeah, I knowwwwww you can register for specific items there, but hear me out. THIS way, no one can pre-judge your purchases. Like, when you go there for a picture frame and leave with a leather ottoman, new bike, and 2 sided bookshelf.)
• gym membership (that may or may not get used, but that’s nobody’s business but yours!)
• a month’s supply of milk and eggs (adulting is hard)
• any and every thing on QVC infomercials (don’t pretend you haven’t wondered if the Squatty Potty really works or if that flexi tape really can prevent leaks in a sawed-in-half boat!)
• prepaid meal prep (once again, adulting is hard)
• Christmas decorations (the adorable Rudolph projector machine? Must. Have.)
• tickets to the Wizarding World of Harry Potter (Always)
• also, the interactive wand ^
• 6-month supply of massages
• a crock pot (because it wasn’t the pot, gosh darnit! It was the faulty switch!)
• psychic reading (aren’t we all a little curious what our palms would read or which distant relative would attempt to make contact?)
• a personal assistant
• maid services (toilets are gross and laundry is a bore)
• personal stylist
• chef
• okay, a starter pack of the above 3 services
• a month’s worth of rent (adulting. is. VERY. hard.)
• plastic surgery treatment of choice
• Lasik
• car insurance
• car registration
• okay, maybe just insurance or licensing of any kind that has monthly or annual dues
• giant cuddle couch
• pressure washer *someone to pressure wash your driveway and patio for you
• new tires (need I say it again? adulting)
• 1 hour of pure un-interruption and silence
• a lifetime supply of tacos
• tickets to a concert of your choice
• a Netflix membership (so you can stop piggybacking on your best friend’s ex-boyfriend’s neighbor’s cousins’s account)
• Costco or Sam’s Club membership (because even if you don’t buy orange juice in bulk, you can still spend Sunday afternoons getting full on free food samples)

You’ll find lists all over the internet with tips for what to put on your wedding registry I’m here to tell you what NOT to register for, and which things to totally, unashamedly put on your registry. I’m all for the non-traditional gift giving. Why not register for (and receive) things you’ll actually use?

Wedding Guests: when in doubt, a monetary gift is the way to go. It can be spent however the couple deems necessary. Zola and Honeyfund are wedding registry websites that allow guests to gift money electronically, and easily. Is it acceptable to give money as a wedding gift? Sure! Often times, it’s a little embarrassing or uncomfortable for a couple to straight up ask for money, even though that’s what they really need. But that doesn’t mean its appearance can’t be unique or classy! Create a mini scrapbook (5″x5″) for the bride and groom. Each page can feature a gift card and be decorated in themed stickers and pertinent colors. Think movie theater gift card featuring red & white striped paper with popcorn stickers and movie stubs or a coffee shop gift card with coffee bean stickers strewn about the page. This way, your presentation can still be creative, while the actual gift can be used how the couple pleases.

Couples: Don’t be afraid to put what you really want on your registry. Don’t be surprised either, when your friends and family make comments and ask why you haven’t registered for pots and pans or something more traditional. It’s your wedding. You do you.

 

 

Happy Planning!

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