A Planner’s Prayer
What could go wrong at a wedding? After many a wedding’s eve of sleepless nights wondering this same question, and experiencing the results… I decided it wasn’t enough to just be wished “good luck” at an event. I’ve seen more than one industry professional break down in tears and I can spot a fake smile from a mile away. With a plethora of strange happenings that can occur at a single event, I’ve compiled a “prayer” to cover almost everything that could go wrong. As planners, it’s our responsibility to prevent rain, and it’s our fault when the food is cold or a guest shows up with an uninvited plus 1 (read: we get blamed for things unlisted in our services let alone out of human control). So here’s to the coordinators, the designers, and the hardworking industry professionals who work so hard to prevent all the things that are bound to be “our fault” sooner or later.
A Planner’s Prayer
May thou not have cockroaches or drunken grooms
Or hotel keys that don’t open rooms
May the day never sway far from the timeline you made
and may your outdoor wedding have plenty of shade
I pray for your patience and sanity
and at the end of the night may you still look pretty.
I pray that the vendors deliver what they promised
and your wedding is awesome and simply the bomb-est
May the un-recommended band not play an explicit song
May your “wedding hangover” not last too long
I hope the weather stays in your favor
I pray the wedding cake is the right flavor
I hope that your feet last all 14 hours
and that no one is allergic to the wedding flowers
May there never be more guests than expected to show
and may everyone speak a language you know
I pray the officiant says the right names
and that your flammable centerpieces don’t catch flames
May the toasts be short with no inappropriate jokes
That the boneless chicken be boneless so nobody chokes
May the venue “planner” not step on your toes
and if she does, God help her, ‘cause what you say goes!
May you know how to sew buttons and tie a bow tie
and bustle a bustle and out-stain red wine
May there only be tears of the happy kind
May the mother of the bride not lose her mind
May the limo always show up at the right place
and may the bride never trip and fall on her face
May the rings always be with the groom or best man
and the bride not show up with an awful spray tan
May the “photographer” not be an Uncle Bob
‘Cause your clients hired a professional to do that job
May your vendor meals not be served in a brown bag
and the bridesmaids dresses not make you want to gag
I pray that thy wedding does not get extended
and that the limo driver’s license isn’t suspended
May all your florals be delivered alive
and that your band doesn’t attempt an impromptu stage dive
May kids not show up if they weren’t invited
I pray that no ex-boyfriends or girlfriends are sighted
I pray that the guests don’t storm the buffet
and that someone deserving catches the bouquet
I pray the bride’s veil won’t get caught when she walks
That there’s no food in her teeth during vows when she talks
I pray that your tables have linens that fit
and that you have a fully stocked emergency kit
I pray that the photo booth prints out all the photos
and that none of your vendors turn out to be no-shows
I pray that you have enough pins for the boutonierres
That your couple stays married for plenty of years
I pray that the wedding party not be too large
(Anything over 20 might mean an upcharge)
May all makeup be cry-resistant
and that you have hired a competent assistant
May all thy vendors show up professionally-dressed
and sober and nice and acting their best
May you limit the times you think, “I told you so”
This wedding will all be over tomorrow
May you have superglue for broken shoe heels
May the bride stay away from chemical peels
May you laugh and pretend you’ve never heard someone say
“Are you like J-Lo?” ten times that day
Be prepared to hear at least one person tell you
They want to be a planner ‘cause they planned their wedding too
I pray thou is prepared for what is to come
At the end of the day, our jobs are still fun
After they’ve married and said their I Dos
Remember, other planners are praying this prayer for you
And though we are masochists for what we go through
We adore being planners and love what we do
[Insert below stanzas if you work in South Florida/Miami]
I hope that at midnight your hora’s not too loca
and that you don’t get stuck in Miami when the wedding’s in Boca
May the champagne not be poured too early
and the Florida humidity not make your hair curly
I pray that hurricanes don’t come your way
and that over-friendly alligators don’t ruin your day
That you never tire of beach weddings or sand
That your wedding attire doesn’t leave you weirdly tanned
May you keep your cool at a celebrity sighting
and that Zika mosquitos don’t come a-biting
Honestly, I’ve experienced or seen 90% of these terrible things happen. Cockroaches. Limos picking up the wrong bride. Uninvited guests. The list goes on. While laughable now, in the moment… not so much. So, pleeeeeeease, remember to pray for your fellow planners before their big day. WE NEED IT!
Bonus: because I’ve half-seriously joked about making a BINGO sheet for all the inevitable things that we see at weddings, I decided to make a WeddingBingo sheet for your amusement! Behold, the Oh My! Occasions WINGO 1st Edition
Happy Planning!
